this funny feeling...

There are many funny feelings that one may feel, at any given time or day. We say that these feelings are funny because often it's a mixture of feelings, like nervousness, excitement, fear, and more all rolled up in one.

The last time I remember feeling like this is before I go up on stage to play for a good 5 minutes or so. Within these few minutes I have often felt many things in between; sometimes even hear comments but I have to always remind myself to relax and get it over and done with. And after the whole process is over, I feel a huge wave of relief and I end up having this light feeling as if I could fly.

Thing is, right now I am still stuck in feeling the pre-stage jitters; and it's been like that for a few months now. The voices that I hear now say "It's ok" or "You'll be fine" but it's hard to relax under these circumstances. There are a few things that get me edgy, like postgraduate applications and this new phase of my life which I am gonna go through. Everything seems confusing and a bit surreal but I trust that God knows best. It will all work out itself somehow...

the oh-so-awesome raechen dan =)

hey! raechen's sister spamming!!!! so anyway, raechen is nuts for those who do not know that. =) Now let me tell you why..firstly, she wants to date my younger sister's dentist who looks like a *Lawrence*... apparently he looks weird...with a squashed up chin according to my younger sister that is...

Chinese New Year ehh????not bad not bad...raechen ate alot...she snacked in the middle like crap and she ate more dinner than i did!!! which is pretty unusual and rare to find...raechen says that its cause she is eating her feelings...oh well, she must be some real nutcase..hahaha...that lonely too i might add...

I guess thats about it.. ;) Oh!!!! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to those who have a partner yada yada yada...cause raechen doesn't!!!!

oh well... whatever...

sigh... n still sighing...

i have work to do:( and it's a self -reflective essay... the portion which i normally dread in an assignment... just when you think u're done with the previous assignment u have yet to reflect on it yet again...

sighing and still am sighing.. can't wait to be done with it....

a bunch of funny things...

yes i've been missing for so long i know that an tif!!!

oh well; the past month has been really crazy so i'll write a brief overview of the events that took place..

two fridays ago, the 24th oct was the craziest night of my life. first and foremost i had to endure a one n a half hr jam to get to upm. .. instead of taking a left n go back to pj; i took a right turn n ended up in the middle of nowhere at 11.30 pm. thankfully i had elizabeth n jessica in the car so it wasn't as scary. i passed the sempadan selangor, almost went to ipoh, sepang and all the other places which i knew existed but never drove to in my lifeso it was a rather fun experience really. in the end i found a route to take me home via puchongn all is well n i'm still alive!!!! yay!!! i do not wanna go to upm ever again lest history repeats itself....

on top of that the history paper was driving me crazy as well as jury. man i hoped i passed.... my playing wasn't super at all w slips n stuff n a whole bunch of wrong notes all over the place but thebest was yet to come. one particular idiot was rattling w the recital door knobs during silvia's jury. and not just one door; it was all three doors, and so i thought maybe the person who did it wasn't a music student, and maybe just did it by accident. but when i went to check i saw a particular someone who insisted on putting his firewood in the hall. so then i told him not to twice n he finally went away. after me n silvia came out of the hall, the idiot was super rude n yelled at us so i yelled back n stormed off.

but then the best is yet to come, what goes around comes around right??? so much for yelling at us to look at the conductor when u came in 2 bars ahead off the conductor??? n plus u were supposed to know the piece in and out since u performed it once w klpac.... n how dare u raise the fact that i went to the toilet at upm n compare it to disturbing silvia's jury? u better be thankful that therewas no breakdown otherwise i would slap u myself... hmm if it were my jury n u did that seriously i would:

throw a double bass at you

yell at u

n slap u left right n centre!!!!!

oh ya i thought my cello is the most damaged cello in ucsi but i would never in my entire treat my cello like a shoerack, or wipe the rosin off so quickly till the strings become super hot because of the friction. pls change yr strings it  has endured much damage already... man if u can't take care of yr instrument i dare not imagine what you would do to a stradivari.... 

anywaay the end of the night was probably the sprinkles one might add on a cupcake. someone finally decided not to join us next yr... a blessing in disguise??? u bet....

oh n the 1st i sat nextto cheryl at the mpo. it meant that i couldn't doze off anytime during the programme lest she gave me the "cheryl stare". but the programme that night was so good that i couldn't doze off anyway... i thiank God its Nov....

this week

hmmm some pretty interesting stuff happened this week... i was super pissed off at u know who in which i would like to call "the mouth" frm this day onwards (u talk a lot of crap u know) everyone wants to box u so it would definitely help if u could just shut up!!!!

i personally thought that my recital was bad.... sigh the memory slips and my foot got caught on the damper pedal five times so i couldn't clear my chords thus making it really blurry... not the best showcase of my pianistic abilities if i may say so myself...

sometimes being close to yr mentor is not the best thing in the world. this particular mentor was venting to me on how frustrated she was w her job it was quite scary really; it gave me a bird's eye view to a day in a life being in her shoes n it's not pretty... especially since my dream is to follow right in her footsteps. according to her being a piano teacher is far frm relaxing; it gets really boring and frustrating and i couldn't agree more....

oh n yea i've come across so many ppl who have came out of the closet lately... this frustrates me to bits cos as it is the ratio of women to men in the world is 2:1. And when a guy comes out of the closet we (us girls) have one less guy to fall in love w... now if that guy finds a partner then there's 2 less guys in the world... mannn... what will happen to us girls??? we won't have enough guys to go around and polygamy is most definitely out of the question!!!!

sometimes i wonder what would make a guy want to make such a drastic change in their life???? i sure hope it's not cos they think they're not "man" enough... there r no hard n fast rules bout what makes a man or a woman... u just have to be who God made u to be n that just defines yr "manlihood". don't bother bout what the society says about u; after all why let them dictate yr life??? it's not like they're God or anything so why listen to them??? i strongly believe that what makes a man is when he does not conform to the norm; he is sure of himself in God and is not ashamed of letting ppl see his softer side...

but to all my friends who have come out of the closet; i accept and still love u irregardless of yr decision... love u guys to bits:)

xoxo

i would like to thank,,,,

hey hey hey!!!!

yes i blog now!!!! surprise surprise!!!! i'm pretty sure that ppl who have known me for ten yrs would be shocked as to why i decided to conform to the norm :)

well it's been a stressful new semester (as always) but this time there's a special reason to why i'm stressed it's cos i can't stand a particular "someone" and as for now blogging would be my way of venting.... thinking about this particular person takes so much brain space and i decided to let it unfurl online instead; so that i can stuff more music history facts in my overtstuffed brain....

so thank you my "dear" friend for making this blog a reality.... go ahead, take a bow i know u want to u ego-centric fellow!!!!!